'First of all, I want you to know that I’m not going to hate you. I’m not going to spend hours Facebook-stalking you, I won’t bitch to my friends about how much you suck, and I won’t ask them a million times if they think you’re prettier than me. I’m sure you’re wonderful – in fact, I actually hope that you are. If I ever meet you, I will treat you with the respect and warmth that you will likely deserve.