For a year, I have prided myself for being able
to be happy on my own without being in a committed relationship. I get
butterflies in my tummy at the thought of romance, and I believe in love, I do,
but that just it, I thought. Then someone new — someone different — always
comes along, and you learn to love them for the things that make them different
from the one before. I think I am loving again but I'm getting scared.
Yes, I am scared - of what would be. I have this feeling that I might lose control, of myself and the feelings that surround me. I don't want to be vulnerable and it seems loving tends to make me of what I am afraid of - That scares me. But I believe in chances, of what if's - ironic huh. What if he's the one? What if I let this person go and realize after he's actually the one, the one that got away. Funny as it seems but I don't want to risk it. If I am scared then its something I should not push forward. If I should be loving, I should not be scared. I am supposed to be happy, that constant thought of the person should make me smile. If I am truly in love, I should not feel this way. Loving is giving it your all - and I am not ready to give my all. And I'm really sorry. (2014)
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