It is not being on my own that is so scary, having someone is a
good thing but the realization that someone you thought was yours wasn’t and
you are actually on your own. After all, the process is something I am afraid
to feel and the emotions that comes along with it.
I am not afraid of being myself, it’s the thought of not being
accepted of what I am and trying to change me to someone I’m not. I don’t work
that way.
I’m not afraid of being myself, I’m afraid of changing myself just
to fit for this guy. I don’t want to be with someone who can make me feel like
I can’t be myself. I’m a different kind of a woman. I can be loud sometimes,
irritating, can just laugh and be touched with simple things and yes, I am very
sentimental and emotional, and all sorts.
I'm not afraid of sleeping alone, I’m afraid of sleeping with the
wrong person. What I’m scared of is getting intimate with someone and then
coming to regret it afterwards. It’s like receiving a gift, unwrapping it then
found out later it wasn’t named for you.
I am not afraid of having my bed to myself, I’m afraid of waking
up to a stranger. I’d rather keep the place untouched. I’d rather spread out
than spread my legs for someone who means nothing to me and I mean nothing for
him. I don’t like spending the morning for awkward goodbyes.
I’m not afraid of exerting efforts for someone, I’m afraid of
wasting my time. I’m getting old, I know that. I might be losing time but I won’t
waste efforts on bad dates. If I knew it’s not going to work well, why waste
precious time. I would rather spend it with people I know I care about than
with people I’ll get silent moments with and having no real conversations at
all; that is bad date.
I’m not afraid of going into parties or weddings alone, I’m afraid
of having someone at my side and be bombarded with questions like "Is he
the one?" No, I'd rather go alone and be questioned "why are you
alone?". It’s easier to answer that than "is he the one?" I do
not want them to give false hopes. I am afraid letting a man get close to my
family and friends then says goodbye later.
I’m not afraid of losing a guy for friends, I’m afraid of
forgetting friends because of a guy. I don’t want to be a friend who abandon
friends because I have someone new. After all, friends are always there to help
you pick up the pieces when things fall apart. I want to have my friends and my
man at a place where I don’t have to divide myself between the two of them. And
it would be a plus to have someone who can be my best friend as well as my
lover.
I’m not afraid of being alone, I’m afraid of being with someone
who makes me feel alone. I don’t want to be lonelier that I already have been.
I’m not afraid to feel cold when the winter comes, I’m afraid to
be cold at heart. I don’t want to be an ice queen but if it’s the only way not
to feel and be susceptible to heart breaks then I guess I am afraid I will be
one.
I’m not afraid of trying, I am afraid of giving up. I do not want
to give up on love and I hope it doesn’t give up on me. I am not afraid of
love, I’m afraid of everything that comes along with it.
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